Etiquette for Elegant People: Tips from an 1890s Book
I have had a great time paging through the ads and admiring the graphics used by retailers in the late 1800s! This book is called Yenowine’s News Elite Directory, 1891-92 and in addition to the delightful pictures and offering of wares, it gives some advice on proper manners. One of the pages that drew me to it was “What Attracts Men”; not because I want to do that (being happily married for a lot of years), but I wanted to see if today’s .com dating services knew about these tips.
For example, the first one is “a woman’s smile.” They tell us this attracts a man, but an even temper retains him. Good to know. Another statement reads “A pretty gown attracts a man; the knowledge that it was inexpensive delights him.” Nothing new here. Another suggestion is “A consideration for his comfort, attracts a man; a continuation of this makes him your most humble slave.” Now you’re talking! The last is “A chat in which there is no malice attracts a man; neither scandal not evil speaking make a woman seem sweet and lovely to him” Now, here is where I’d get into trouble. I love to stir things up – bringing up political discussions with a gentleman friend who I know is of opposite followings and discussing a certain “famous ex-governor who recently wrote a book” with another male friend who has a totally different viewpoint. Maybe I would not cut it in the 1890s. Oh, well.
A section called “Manners and Usage” gives some advice on proper etiquette for both married and unmarried ladies. For example, unmarried ladies are not allowed to use the family crest. Married ladies use the arms of their husband’s family. In a republic, monograms are considered in better taste than crests and coats of arms. (I asked hubby about our family crest and he told me to go to the medicine cabinet – it was right next to the toothbrushes.)
It was important to write letters properly as well. One comment was “Never write of your children as Miss Julia or Master James. Reserve the Miss or Master in speaking or writing to inferiors.“ I’ll keep that in mind. But now, my inferiors will know what I think of them!
Acceptances and regrets was another topic in the book. As most of you know, dinner, opera and theater-party invitations are to be answered as soon as received. All regrets from persons not able to accept invitations should contain a good reason for regretting. You cannot invite people to your house until you have first called upon them in a formal manner and they have returned the visit. (Well, there goes my next Packer party!)
I must say, there were so many rules and regulations about calling cards, visiting and returning invitations that I just know I would have made many faux pas if I were from this timeframe! It has been so very delightful having you read my blog and a formal thank you note will be delivered to each of you.









