vintage paperbacks

When you own a lot of vintage paperback books, you sometimes feel compelled to read them. Even when you feel they will be as kitschy as their covers and as corny as their cover tag lines — or maybe that’s because they seem so kitschy and corny. Whatever. Sometimes I read them.

Recently I had been lucky enough to score three retro nursie-novels for just 50 cents a piece (that’s like the original cover price!). Their covers screamed of independent good-girls-with-careers in old-school-Harlequin-esque romance plots, something I’d always taken great pains to avoid before, but I just had to try some of that, you know? Hoping they would be so-bad-it’s-good that I’d perversely enjoy them.

So I selected Night Club Nurse, by Rose Dana (Mass Market MacFadden Paperback #50-250, 1965), and its promise that, “Nurse Gwen must choose between a safe-and-sure marriage to Dr. Jack — or an exciting future with a man-about-town,” and settled in for a quick read.

It wasn’t as predictable and transparent as I had thought. Don’t get me wrong, it’s no piece of literary prose; it’s no page-turner. But still, while all the classic elements of such formulaic fiction are there (the busty-but-bitter nurse who is Gwen’s superior and wanna-be competition, for example, and the weird Nancy Drew-esque fashion descriptions that such books always think we chicks want), there were some surprises.

While Dr. Jack Belson is as bland as Wonder Bread (with the crusts cut-off) and set-up to become his disapproving & intimidating father, his rival for Gwen’s affections, the attractive and exciting Tom Ragella (the night club owner whose father was Gwen’s patient and set her up with the oh-so-probable “nurse in a night club” gig), wasn’t a roguish wolf up to no good. In fact, he was such a swell guy, I sort of hated Gwen for — Spoiler Alert! – opting to become Mrs. Dr. Jack Belson.

I guess I’d make a horrible retro novel nurse stereotype. But then I already knew that.

However I did learn something. I was reminded via a passage in the book that Muzak existed that long ago. Since the book is a year younger than I, this surprised me. But I guess that goes to show you that I wasn’t paying attention to music in elevators & doctor office lobbies. Probably because I was reading a book — anything but romance novels.

Strangely enough, I now notice and am annoyed by Muzak; but I get a kick out of old kitschy nurse romance novels. Go figure.

Thirteen paperbacks from my various collections.

#1 From my science fiction collection, a classic Scholastic: The Wonderful Flight to the Mushroom Planet.

#2 I’ll admit I’ve been remiss and have not read Junior Miss.

#3 Lad of Sunnybank, from my collie collection (which is growing into a general dog collection, but then collections are like packs, so the more the merrier).

#4 Fury and the White Mare, a throw-back to my childhood television days and part of my horse collection.

#5-6 Dating, ever confusing, requires books: Boy Dates Girl, and Betty Cornell’s All About Boys. Funny that I feel no further understanding from having read them… or any of the others in this collection. But then lack of understanding didn’t stop me from marrying one either.

#7-9 Three books which explore and exploit career perks your guidance counselor never told you about: Super-Jet Girls, Semi-Tough, and If It Moves, Kiss It.

#10 If the dating rules confuse, or if you’ve previously had a career in air travel or medicine, just say “Good Is For Angels,” and remember that motto, “a little sin – a lot of love.”

#11 And if you follow that motto, you’re likely headed for the Valley of the Dolls. (I preferred Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, myself.)

#12 Ode to Billy Joe — yes, the Billy Joe McAllister who jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge. Not read yet because I fear nothing can live up to the song.

#13 And based on all this, it’s no wonder that I need Zolar’s Occult Dream Book.

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