It’s been a long time since I’ve bought a Happy Meal for myself, mostly because my appetite is far greater than one Happy Meal could possibly satisfy. McDonalds would have to create an Unbelievably Elated Meal, or a Comatose With Bliss Meal before my gargantuan hunger might be sated. Fortunately, living with a young child for the past 8 years has afforded me the vicarious joy from the REAL reason kids get Happy Meals : the toy inside.

Sure, I have some Simpsons Spooky Lightups, and a Monsters Inc. Randall that an ex-girlfriend once seduced me with, and I’ll never forget that lenticular Thundercats ring of my youth… so, I have a warm spot for the quick ‘n’ cheap entertainment of the Happy Meal Toy - or if you want to be snooty about it - the ‘Fast Food Premium’. This is why I’m especially excited that McDonalds is pairing up with Lucasfilm to release a set of 18 different action-feature-full Star Wars bobbleheads, to coincide with the release of The Clone Wars animated film.

I know what you’re thinking : aren’t I the guy who vehemently denies the very existence of anything that isn’t Original Trilogy? Why yes, that’s me, but here’s the thing - McDonalds hasn’t relegated this Clone Wars set to only Clone Wars characters. They’ve delved deep into Star Wars history to give us nine completely classic characters out of the total eighteen, and that’s a wonderful ratio for us oldschool fans. Chewbacca, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Boba Fett (!!!), the REAL Darth Vader, C-3PO, and even Wicket the Ewok are present, all perched atop signature vehicles from appropriate movies and scenes. Interestingly, these guys have all been done up in an ‘animated’ style to match the Clone Wars characters, and it works. It really works, against anything I might have believed before seeing them in person.

And get this : Han Solo’s head sculpt has a scar on his chin. Yes. Happy Meal toys officially have more accurate details than most Harrison Ford action figures made by the big manufacturers. This attention to detail, where it didn’t even need to exist, pretty much did it for me. I think I giggled. Of course, Han is perched in his trusty Millennium falcon, which also has pull-back action. You know the drill : place the toy on a flat, hard surface, drag it backwards, and let it go. Add this feature to the bobblehead feature and you have some pretty funky stuff goin’ on. And by ‘funky’, I mean ‘listening to Jamiroquai at full volume, cruising through space’ funky. Darth Vader has the ‘sound’ feature - one of my most favorite action features of all time - which plays both TIE Fighter blasting noises, and breathing noises.

Bobblehead fans need to get these - we’re not talking about cheap heads that kinda pop back and forth. This is the apex of bobble technology that scientists have been talking about! Seriously - it threatens to break the laws of thermodynamics. Both Chewbacca and the Stormtrooper are wind-ups that really walk - so, in addition to having appeal in in these other action-areas, wind-up enthusiasts will also be excited.

Arguably, the Yoda and R2-D2 toys are also ‘classic’, though they’re perched on Episode 1-3 vehicles, thus forever exiling them from the Classic Collection. In addition to these guys, there’s a General Grievous, Anakin Skywalker, young Obi-Wan Kenobi, Asajj Ventress, Padme Amidala, clone Captain Rex, and new padawan Ahsoka Tano. Many of these guys also have pullback action, while Yoda and R2 both play sounds, and anyone who comes with a lightsaber will also include a button to make said lightsaber ignite. It’s a genuinely neat mix of features among the group, and a huge variety to choose from - or be surprised by. It kinda makes me wonder why Hasbro can’t slap a few more voice chips and light-up features into their Star Wars stuff. For almost $8 a figure, they’d better start adding something.

These guys will be at your local McDonalds until the 11th of September. As with any fast food premiums, you can hunt them down one by one, or you can be ‘that guy’ at the counter and request to purchase a whole bunch individually. The counterfolk will usually oblige your toy-lust for a nominal fee.

I’ve taken some photographs of the whole line, which can be seen in our Community, along with a shot to show the scale of these. They’re unusually large for fast food toys, so will comfortably fit into the average bobblehead collection. Finally, The Office Season Three Box Set Bobblehead Dwight will have someone to talk to. He’s never been in better company.

It’s only taken years upon years of whining and frothing, but it’s our blessing that nerd voices are shrill and grating. We did it, guys. We got the original Star Wars Trilogy on DVD. Let’s pause for a moment of thankful silence. Follow that up with a raucous moment of cheer. And maybe after that, a moment of Doritos and Fresca, or whatever it is that we keep down here in the basement of our parents’ houses besides fansubbed anime videos and a high-speed internet connection which is mostly used to ‘research’ images of Lucy Lawless.

Getting the original theatrical editions of Star Wars on DVD is a big deal, mostly because George Lucas, mighty overlord of all things Wars, pretty much said ‘up yours, you ain’t gettin’ it’ to the collective of fans. He’d re-edited his films a few years back, added in a few lost scenes, added a mess of new digital effects, and sent them back into theaters, and then again for another DVD release. That’s all well and good. The artist has every right to desecrate and re-realize his own artworks, but why wouldn’t he let us take home the versions of his films that we fell in love with? You don’t give a kid a puppy, take it back, replace its head with a coffeemaker and its legs with fine Omaha steaks and give it back to the kid expecting him to be placated, much less thrilled. Sure, it’s still fundamentally a puppy, but it’s not one you can play frisbee with without shattering its glass, coffee-filled head.

Lucas treated these original films as ‘visually limited’, and his remastered re-releases as what he meant to do in the first place. Another scene with Jabba the Hutt, more big monstery things, more blaster blastiness. However, last week saw the release of these original, unmodified films on DVD, but as nothing more than afterthoughts on the ‘bonus disc’ of a 2-DVD set for each film. The three mini-collections weren’t advertised as ‘the original theatrical cut’, but instead advertised as ‘Star Wars, and oh yeah, that old Star Wars too, but why would you want THAT, you geek?’. It was flippant, and there’s already been complaints that the prints aren’t as clean as they could be, and that the sound isn’t re-mastered and super-hi-fi and that the discs weren’t pressed in an anti-gravity environment on the outer rings of Saturn, but you know what? I’m happy. I can watch Star Wars again. Previously, only VHS and LaserDisc editions of the original films existed.

I don’t need ultra hi-def imagery, and I probably couldn’t tell the difference if I tried. I don’t have supremely acute vision, and honestly, my TV goes all blurry anytime the collected image on the screen has too much yellow or orange in it. I’m not fancy. I don’t wear a monocle to bed or use the phrase ‘m’lady’. I often forget to shave and my shoes have holes in them, and I don’t need my Star Wars to be completely indistinguishable from reality. Reality is challenging enough without probe droids. I have no complaints about these cuts.

I found myself watching A New Hope and being able to name the model number of every droid that was captured in the belly of the Jawas’ Sandcrawler, and every patron of the Mos Eisley Cantina. From Gonk Droid to Dr. Evazan, Momaw Nadon to Garindan, shutting down all of the garbage smashers on the detention level and knowing that the Sandpeople are easily frightened but would return in greater numbers… I could probably watch these endlessly and never get bored. Even if they ARE treated as bonus material in addition to the remastered editions, don’t have fancy packaging and barely any bonus materials. There are other sets for that. It’s presented in desirable widescreen format, and the sound, for you audiophiles, it presented in Dolby 2.0, as opposed to the Dolby 5.1 of the remasters (presented on the first discs, along with creator commentary). There’s about a million behind-the-scenes featurettes on other releases.

Lucasfilm has released these ‘for a limited time’ only, without really specifying an actual time period. There’s no telling how long these will be available, but at about 18 bucks each and presumably epic wait for the next release to occur, I’d snap these up if you have any love for Star Wars in you at all. And if you don’t, I find myself genuinely concerned for your soul. I suggest a trip to the swamps of Dagobah or the forest moon of Endor. Or Best Buy, where they have an exclusive set of all 3 films collected into a collectible tin.