etiquette

The reported ‘slow demise of eBay‘ precipitated by their constantly changing terms and their unfriendliness to casual stuff-sellers, coupled with the entitled attitude that many bidders are taking with me personally lately, is really just killing the whole ‘Bay scene for me. Buyers, I understand that the economy isn’t golden, and that your money is more precious to you than air or brains, but trust me – my 100% positive feedback isn’t going to Madoff you. I think that I might need to start putting an addendum into my auctions, right after the ‘no returns’ note : “Hey, also don’t be a flippin’ jerk”.

In my own economically-driven slimming down, eBay remains a necessity.  Dropping a stack of rare, sealed action figures at garage sale priced at their expected $100+ values would only result in derision and sadness.

The worst part about dealing with eBay jerks? eBay no longer allows you to even leave negative feedback for a buyer, thus preventing you from alerting other sellers to what they might have to deal with, and allowing troublesome buyers to run roughshod over you as a seller without facing any repercussions. If you’re unfortunate enough to encounter a non-paying bidder, you must wait for over two weeks to relist your item, since the transaction cannot be officially closed until 15 days after the end of the auction – even if it’s very obvious that Jerkface456 has no intention of paying you, and has COMPLETELY ignored the urgency with which you listed that Iron Man Mighty Mugg figure. I have a schedule, people.

It’s enough to end the entire experience for me – but I also can’t live without it. Most of the stuff I’ve purchased I’ve purchased with the caveat of ‘well, I can always sell it on eBay later and recoup my losses’, but lately, some buyers are just making it impossible. As a buyer, I can say this.

Take, for example, a recent bidder from Spain who hammered me with nine rapid-fire questions sent within minutes of each other which could have been asked in a singular e-mail. He proceeded to ask more questions about the quality of the item after the auction was over, and then decided to change the address that he wanted the item shipped to – to a location 800 miles away from the original destination – after he’d paid for shipping charges to his original location. Of course, my geographical ignorance didn’t realize that the package would cost an addition $20 to send.

“what is the shipping price to spain?”

“what is the price of the insurance to spain?”

“the color of the statue is good?”

“is easy to take out the dust of the statue?”

At some point during this, I had to make an emergency trip to the ER to get my foot patched up after accidentally putting a screw through it – incidentally, WHILE I was packing up his item. I had to stay off of my feet and medicated for a few days, and I explained this to the anxious buyer. Who didn’t give a flip.

“please!, in the moment when you put the box in the post office, tell it me. please try to put it tomorrow, i need it.”

“it will be possible to change the shipping address now? on april 2 i will go in a holidays 1 week and i want to take the statue with me to make a gift. If i give you the address to wich i go on holidays i will win a few days and it is possible that this one comes while there. if you cant do it it doesnt motter.”

“what have you done finally?”

I’m not a vengeful person, but I hope that he has to pay serious import fees when this thing arrives because of how I filled out the customs form. Someone’s going to get that $20 out of him.

Finally,

“in addition a finger of the statue has come broken”

Were this buyer not a jerk the whole time, I would have followed up on his insurance claim as USPS.com outlines. However, the regulations also state that the addressee can deal with the mess – so, of course, I gave him the web address with a hearty ‘GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!’, and called it a day.

The buyer can effectively tell you that your mother is a malodorous, obese woman and has recently taken liberties with your sister, who is apparently of ill-repute – and all you can do is smile. Since eBay makes all of its money from sellers, not buyers, it’s this alienation that has recently made the whole environment more work that it’s worth for many sellers. Through over 600 positive feedbacks, I’ve never had more problems than during these past few months.

The last straw hit me this morning, when I actually had a buyer accuse me of deception because I posted an image of a sealed King Grayskull action figure box – when he wanted to see the figure inside. Forget that the auction’s description says exactly what’s inside, that the item came in a sealed outer box, and that anyone buying the item would easily put two and two together.

“this is the regular version and not the bronze or translucent blue one correct? It seems a little deceiving that you did not take a picture of the figure with the flap down so i wanted to make sure before i purchased it from you. “

I responded.

“I have stated directly in the auction : “Item is regular version”. If you feel like you are being deceived, or are unwilling to read the actual item description, do not bid. I also will not ask if King Grayskull enjoys long walks on the beach, the music of Willie Nelson, or Italian cuisine, as I feel that these are steps that you two need to take personally if you wish to pursue a meaningful relationship. I have photographed the item to show that the outer box is in tact, as I received it.”

Perhaps it is I who is the eBay jerk, but I still remain hesitant to list anything on eBay because of these policy changes. It’s a disappointing change in the tides for the casual seller, but here’s the thing, jerk buyers : I don’t need your money as much as you need to fulfill your lust for what I have. I know, because I’m one of you too – I just have a healthy respect for those I interact with. There’ll be dozens of you, and there’s just one of what I have.

So play nice, because I bite back, and I don’t care.

I’ve been an eBay seller (and buyer) since eBay was still a nascent internet creature, and I’ve maintained a nigh-perfect, casually growing rating since day one. I know my way around an auction, how to take informative photographs and how to fill an auction description with anything you’d need to know to make an informed decision about a purchase.

Well, I thought so.

Because of recent economical events and a severe pay cut at work, I was forced to sell off some extra toys and figures that I’d rather keep. Alas, this is the way that things are – collections shift and change, others are born in their wake that fit your changing lifestyle a little more comfortably. I’ll always have a collection of SOMETHING, even if I have to part with my fancy statues to pay the bills. So, perhaps this is why I’ve been feeling a little contentious with some of the buyers of my precious items.

I listed an extra, still-in-package Batman figure on eBay. Being from Mattel’s DC Universe Classics line, I was aware that this particular collection of toys (though generally pretty amazing) is known to have an unprecedented number of paint and construction issues – from smeared, blotchy faces to torsos that are assembled with two left legs. Because of these flaws, I can understand an eBay buyer being a little cautious about buying a figure sight unseen. Still, I was unprepared for the awkwardly phrased question that I received, reposted here verbatim.

“condition of the following: case: dents/creases/holes/hanger hook untouched or pulled up/corners bent/logo in place horizontal/never been opened/etc figure: all pieces intact and there/scratches/discolored/”

Now, that’s a lot of details to inspect and report back on, and some of them were already answered by the auction description and the clear item photo that I provided. I was not even asked politely, honestly, and I’m usually happy to answer any inquiry sent my way. Not this time, Buyer X.

There are professional grading services that deal exclusively with action figures who will inspect these details, carefully package your toy in a protective case, and assign it a value based on the condition of the untouched figure and the item’s packaging. Being a toy opener and have-fun-with-er, I think that the whole AFA grading system is a bit of a scam to artificially inflate the value of things for the neurotic, but I also accept that everyone collects with their own motivations and reasons – investment with the hopes of a financial return being one of them.

But if you’re collecting with such a specific list of pristine figural needs as the above buyer, and for an item that was selling for a mere $30 from very part-time eBay seller, your needs probably extend beyond that which I can intelligently provide. Buyer X was practically asking for a figure that had never touched… well, anything. Ever. I responded. Hastily, perhaps.

“I am not a professional grader. Item is sold as is – seems fine to me. If you want one that has been painted by the pope and carried directly from the factory by the delicate hands of angels : no, I cannot provide that.”

Okay, so that might be really unprofessional – but it happened, and I don’t regret it. The item sold a few hours later to a different bidder anyhow, so nothing lost to the wrath of my razor tongue.

I asked my fellow toy collectors what they thought of the weird barrage of questions and my response, since many have regular interactions on eBay. The general response was that buyers like the one that I was dealing with were usually too high maintenance to really be worth the effort for small ticket items, and that steering them away to a different seller was the best course of action. Even upon receipt of the item, they’d invariably notice some imperceptible flaw and the battle would rage on. There was, however, an exceptionally hostile response directed towards me regarding this topic – posted anonymously, and again reposted here verbatim.

“Not only are you being unnecessarily sensitive, you are being a total ass. Your response to this potential buyer proves it. If it’s not worth your time, then get the hell off of Ebay. We don’t need you and we don’t want you on there. There’s plenty of other Sellers who are patient, polite, and work diligently to make their buyers happy. Go work at Taco Bell if you need cash, you disrespectful punk.”

Well. While I didn’t participate in the discussion after this point, it degraded quickly into a list of profanities and assumptions about various posters’ mothers and / or sisters, and a list of biological locations into which said toys could apparently be roughly placed. The consensus remained, however, that this mess of a question was unusual, and had remedies that could be provided only by AFA.

As an eBay seller, where does your responsibility begin and end? Unless you are a professional eBay seller or collection assessor, I think that the logical answer is to remain completely honest and do the best that you can. Inspecting an action figure for scratches and aligned logos without removing it from its protective package is simply beyond my natural abilities, and it falls outside of my realm of concern.

Especially when I’m only getting $30 for the hunk of plastic. When it comes to toys, sometimes you need to remember to have fun.

I have a modest number of old etiquette books. They began as a part of my “women’s issues” or “female history” collection, but since their number grows, well over three, the proper thing to do is to admit they are now their own collection.

It’s easy to fall for these old advice books because they so completely encapsulate the culture of the time. Typically they deal with all matters of importance, from what to say and how you sound when you say it to how to appear and when to disappear. All providing such charming clues to the roles of people and how they, as cogs, fit in the larger societal machine. In short, if you want to understand a time period better, read an etiquette or self-help book from the period.

One classic example is How to be a more interesting woman, by Barbara Wedgwood which is part of the Amy Vanderbilt Success Program For Women (a membership club service from Nelson Doubleday).

“Was there ever a woman born who wasn’t haunted by the thought that possibly she was not interesting enough, not to other women but inevitably to a man.”

Straight out of 1965, this retro self-wounding book provides lots of gems for girls like me, who fear they just may not be interesting.

Then again, perhaps I need not worry so much if I am interesting… As Amy herself wrote at the start of this booklet:

If every woman in our society sparkled, it would have the same uniformity as we would were every woman quiet and retiring. We know, when we think about it, that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, and thus a woman who is interesting to one man can leave the second cold. Women who are interesting to men are frequently an enigma to other women…

Before you read this discussion of how we can become more interesting, think of this: Not every man wants an interesting woman any more than every husband wants or could even tolerate a beauty. It is a very difficult thing to be a woman.

Difficult indeed, Amy; especially when we receive such contradictory information before we begin.

As a married woman I wonder if I should consult with my husband prior to beginning such a book — perhaps he will fall out of love with me if I become interesting? Then again, perhaps I’ll lose him to that interesting redhead next door it I am not? What to do?!

But begin we must — or we will never, ever know enough about what is interesting in order to properly decide if we should, if we can, become interesting.

In this booklet Barbara covers ‘everything’ from looks to the “either-or dilemma” of identity (should one be a “trapped” housewife or an equally trapped career woman). If the beauty topic seems the easiest, it’s not: “Quite simply, an interesting woman looks like an interesting woman, and anyone of either sex who possesses normal intelligence, is over twenty-five years of age, and has attended at least six large cocktail parties can spot her.” So you can imagine the ambiguity of female self identity. But hey, this was the confusing 60’s when The Feminine Mystique was about as accepted as anti-war rallies.

Don’t expect the rest of the book to be any easier either. For example, home decor, it is noted, should express one’s self, one’s interests — but if you aren’t sure who you are or if you should even have interests, well, that makes decorating your home rather difficult doesn’t it? To help you, Barbara has provided you with some homework questions. For example:

To what extent have the social attitudes about femininity affected your life?
How much enjoyment do you get from your daily life?
How much enjoyment do you provide for those around you?
Do you have a philosophy of life which you can express to someone else?

(No word on what you should do if by answering these questions &/or becoming interesting makes you suicidal or at least consider divorce.)

Anyway, if you can make it through to page 56 you might find salvation.

Under Four Hints For Expanding Your Interests we find this:

#1 Find some subject that really interests you and become an expert in it. You’ll not only gain the interest of others but increase your self-respect as well.

Hey, collecting would qualify, right?! Yippee! We are interesting!

And you can be interesting too, 1960’s woman, provided your hubby allows you some pocket money to begin collecting… Perhaps the Vanderbilt series had a booklet on that?