Thirteen Retro Kitsch Items That Likely Didn’t Survive For You To Collect

All of these were found in magazines from the late 50’s and early 60’s, and as handmade kitschy crafts, this is likely the only way they have survived.

#1 Dolls displayed in a dead tree. My sister has a fear of dolls. I could understand if she’d ever seen this… What a great way to scare and emotionally scar your little girl.

#2 - 7 Hobby wall panels. Rather self-explanatory…. but still I shall comment as I feel is required.

So we’ve got baseball, football, golf and pool; how about something for the little ladies (who don’t golf)? Ah, a gardening motif. I don’t know about you, but upon spying the little plastic shovel, I expected to see a matching little plastic beach pail.

If they all suspiciously look like Christmas trees… That’s because they are suggested holiday decor. And nothing, but nothing, says, “Merry Christmas!” like a wall panel Christmas tree made of swords and guns.

(Note: The designer, Robert Hammer, is credited for this one.)

#8 Construction paper food. The instructions leave much to be desired. “Most are easy to make. For example, the banana is merely a crescent-shaped piece of yellow construction paper. Fold down the center, stapled at the ends, gives it a lifelike, three-dimensional appearance.” I think we knew to use yellow, and the basic shape… What about the turkey?

#9 Muffin cup ornaments. Eight kitschy paper ornaments, right from mom’s cupboard. Paper propped-up next to those old stings of Christmas lights, with their uber safe sockets and hot bulbs, will really light-up your holiday celebration.

#10 Muffin cup wreath. Muffin cups were apparently a cheap commodity, replacing popcorn in holiday crafting and ornamentation. I’ll buy that. But what the heck are “paper honeycomb balls”? I bet they stopped making those when kids confused them with Honeycomb cereal.

#11 - 12  A quadruple lantern of spray painted cardboard to match the long-gone scenic wallpaper.  And hey, the wrapped gifts match too.

I don’t remember a time when holiday decorations were supposed to match your home; I had previously always believed that the red & green of Christmas were selected for their inability to fit discreetly in any home.

#13 Frighten your babes in toy land.   Construct a several feet tall city to prevent the kids from bothering you during holiday cocktail time!

The “chunky dolls” are just under 4 feet tall, enough to intimidate any toddler — or drunk adult relative. Which is why no matter how much time “father — or doting grandfather” spent making this, it went curb-side at the first sign of spring.  Or maybe even was tossed with the tree.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, March 27th, 2008 at 6:44 am and is filed under collecting fyi, decorating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.