Train Wrecks Around Vinyl: Ugly Album Covers
10.28.07 By Derek Dahlsad
Last week, I was at Barnes and Noble with Destiny, who still had some birthday gift-cards to spend (her purchases: a vampire book and a Green Day CD; they grow up so fast), so I dug through the discount racks near the front of the store. Amongst the Feng Shui picturebooks and various collected works of Mark Twain (”Now presented in a different order!”), I found one of the greatest books ever put to paper: The Worst Album Covers Ever! Put away your lists of best album covers, as this one is far more entertaining — and more likely to have something you’ve never seen before. The good musicians get good covers; the rest, well, unlike books, judging a record by the cover isn’t always a failed assumption.
As far as media goes, LP album covers provided the largest canvas for a huge variety of artists — almost 12-1/2″ x 12-1/2″ of double-sided blank space, ready to be filled with the oddest, most interesting, and jarring images you could imagine. The artform wasn’t something everyone instantaneously figured out; there was a lot of experimentation through the years (the dust-sleeve inside was barely u
sed for anything before the 1980s), giving plenty of opportunities of both greatness and horribleness.
While it didn’t suprise me completely, Iso actually own several of the examples found in The Worst Album Covers Ever!. The book contains over 80 covers, organized thematically, and most are trainwrecks where the art world was stalled on the music world’s tracks. What they got out of it is an intersection strewn with debris surrounded by police tape; slowing down to take a look is encouraged. Personally I think a few of the book’s “worst”, like the one to the right, would be considered a good cover despite its weirdness. Comedy albums like “Music for Non-Thinkers” should always be exempt, unless they convey something completely different from the contents. The Guckenheimer Sour Kraut Band or Ogden Edsl should have a weird cover. Unintentionally funny albums: those deserve to be called the Worst.
As you probably surmised on your own, there’s more than 80 horrible album covers in the world — here’s samples of some that I’ve got, but aren’t in the Worst Album Cover Book:
Oh, dear — we know the Partridge Family and the Jacksons have matching costumes, but, honey, they had the help of a fashion designer, and didn’t have to buy discount tablecloth fabric.
When hiring a cover designer, make sure that they understand the market: I don’t think afficianados of “Modern Square Dances” would identify with the inbred mountain hick motif. Let alone a shoddy one: “OK, people, we’ve got 8 minutes to get the photo and the entire high school theatre prop room at our disposal — let’s get moving!
OK, one last one, to show it’s not just amateurs at fault:
DEAR GOD — KILL IT BEFORE IT RELEASES ITS SPORES! No, really, I think Carol Channing rocks (how many times have I uttered that phrase?), but I figure her fans know who she is without exaggerating her most exaggerated features. If Carol Channing’s Gargantuan Maw is the main selling point of this album, it’s no wonder this ended up in the cut-out bin.
See how much fun this is? The bonus is: these records are hardly in demand. In fact, they’re usually all that’s left in the picked-over album bins at flea markets and thrift shops. A few of the examples in The Worst Album Covers Ever! do come from moderately famous artists, and were done in rather small runs and can be quite rare. Still, I doubt you’ll have to pay more than a couple dollars for even the most desirable ugly record album cover. Their value is in the kitschy appreciation of an artist who took their task too seriously (or not serious enough). Coming up with a collection of horrible record album covers might be easier than most record collecting, so step up and grab those ugly, poorly designed sleeves and make them your own. If you’d like more examples, Nick DiFonzo, author of Worst Album Covers, has more books and a website.
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Article Tags: album, album cover, Carol Channing, LP, record, ugly, vinyl, Worst Album Covers================
Gotta Collect? Then You Gotta Connect - Join our Collectors’ Community!
April 6th, 2008 at 11:24 am
bizarrerecords is a great site and Nick is a good guy, too.
I also have a website, http://www.blackgemrecords.com. It’s got thousands of cool album covers, for fun and for sale.