… but even before the eight bits of the Nintendo Entertainment System infiltrated my home, and subsequently, the very essence of my being, there were always the arcade machines. Seeing as how I live in a forest and the most high-tech form of entertainment is known as ‘thems squirrels in the yard over thar’, I never got that much of an arcade machine fix. There was Toobin’ at the pizza place just outside of town, and Bubble Bobble at the video store, and every so often, the unadulterated pleasures of the bowling alley, but it was limited. The annual trips that we took to the Jersey Shore and the boardwalks were pure heaven for me, and I’d have my own weight in quarters stuffed into my pockets as I ventured out, only to return home depleted and thumb-sore.
If there is one holy grail item that defines my whole life, it’s the Star Trek : The Next Generation pinball machine. It’s not a ‘video game’, no, but it maintains that carnival atmosphere of the arcade, and you get to fight the damned BORG with precision-guided pinball cannons, which everyone knows is their real weakness. Everything I aspire to, every step forward that I take, somehow it’ll all resolve in me getting a ST:TNG pinball machine, quietly humming away in my den, patiently awaiting my nightly visits like a patient lover. It was the first pinball machine that I fell in love with at the Jersey Shore, and when I was morbidly depressed in college, I’d waste more quarters than I care to admit in the machine there, eventually earning the high score for a few glorious months, as well as a few moments of escapist tranquility. And one day, it will be mine, and I’ll know that there’s nothing more I can accomplish for myself.
In the meantime, I’ve taken to collecting retro-video gaming decorations for my future apartment. Since full-sized arcade machines don’t fit all that well into budget priced living arrangements or utility bills, I’ve begun to consume the next best thing – arcade marquees.
The business of restoring and re-manufacturing vintage arcade machines is a profitable one, with thousands of arcade parts from buttons to CPUs all over eBay and other restoration websites. Me, I’m taken with the marquees. At an average of 2 feet long and 8 inches high, these plexiglass signs are what you find above the screen on your typical arcade box, featuring the outlandish artworks and titles that heralded these games from across the noisy arcade floor. Usually illuminated from behind, they’re iconic reminders of the very unique arcade aesthetic, a kind of awkward, comic futurism. And I want to decorate my bathroom with them. Soon, I’ll have a Super Moon Cresta hanging over my toilet, and it will be good.
I can’t say that I’ve played most of these games, but it’s their names that are especially interesting, usually generic space, driving or war-fare, with the occasional complete nonsense word thrown in there for good measure. Like Gorf. I don’t know what Gorf is, but it’s probably the best word to ever enter my lexicon, and I know a lot of words. Dyger and Rygar, separated at birth, are two more such examples of the amazing flexibility of the English language. After it’s been bar hopping all night and wakes up in a dumpster covered with prostitute lipstick.
How can you ever forget such classics as Caveman Ninja? It presupposes that feudal Japan existed before cavemen and imparted its particular fighting methods unto them, which any fan of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure could tell you is completely possible. That film was a documentary and don’t tell me otherwise. A game called Spinal Breakers clearly means business. Spine business.
Since most of these panels have been removed directly from beleaguered arcade machines, many bear light scratches and chips, but such is the essence of the arcade. You need to have a melty-brown cigarette burn before it’s authentic, and it needs to look very well loved. Falling short of owning the actual item, I settle for these small parts of authentic machines, which are usually available for under $20 and not especially difficult to obtain.
And they’ll look great next to my Super Mario Brothers 2 cross-stitch.
