As it turns out, January 8th was probably one of the High Holy Music Holidays, if you’re the sacrilegious type. Such a day would likely be celebrated by mildly obscene gyrations and a liberal application of glittery eye makeup. Why? Because it’s the shared birth date of two of music’s greatest revolutionaries – Elvis Presley and David Bowie. Sure, Stephen Hawking shares the same birth date, but I’ve never seen HIM strum a quantum singularity and make the ladies weep. Elvis would be 72.

Elvis, as Deanna has mentioned once before, is probably one of the most collected human beings in history (or else why would they make this Elvis Collecting Software?), with many rooms across the US (often owned by eclectic older ladies wearing airbrushed Elvis sweatshirts, making sporadic appearances on morning shows on slow days) festooned with photographs, rare signatures, framed LPs and sheets of stamps displayed on walls, and perhaps a shred of precious Elvis-DNA dusted fabric in a glass case. He’s one of the closest things that us mortals has to a deity – a horde of people utterly in his sway, and apparently living long beyond his natural life. You know, if you’re to believe the off-kilter propaganda and the grassy-knoll-style hunt for clues to contradict that Elvis Presley was, in fact, made of skin and bones and methamphetamines.

Genuine artifacts from within his lifetime, which are rare or in well-guarded private collections, can fetch ridiculous amounts of money and publicity. In March 2005, eBay saw a copy of Elvis’ ‘Milk Cow Blues Boogie’ 78 sell for about $2400, and a single 1956 trading card from Topps sold for about $1500. Items that were actually in contact with Elvis can apparently deflect bullets and give the possessor the ability to conjure obedient dinosaurs from beneath the Earth’s crust. I mean, they’re not usually obedient, but as soon as they see that you’ve got a swatch of Elvis’ outfit from Jailhouse Rock, they’re gonna listen. Such is the power of Elvis.

A worn belt? $66,000. A chest x-ray? $2500. It’s the divide between appreciating a celebrity for their talent and wanting to posses an actual piece of the being that was the holder of that talent.

Those things which were produced after his death still seem to be quite collectible, with every scrap of Elvis-related memorabilia adding to the collected energy of that not-so-secret shrine you’ve been building in the upstairs guest bedroom. McFarlane Toys produced a whole series of Elvis mini-statues, detailing his appearances in various stages of his life and in films. Also, of course, was the senses-shattering fat Elvis vs. skinny Elvis stamp debate of 1992.

It’s kind of difficult to determine where to begin and where to end when collecting celebrity paraphernalia. Does it theoretically start with magazine clippings and end with toenail clippings? CQ bloggers have mentioned this before, but man, does it get creepier than that.

Does one need a genuine artifact from Cynthia Plaster Caster? You can look that up yourself. I’m not touching it. Literally. It was Piero Manzoni who actually canned his own… leavings…. and sold them to art buyers at the same cost as the value of gold. He’s quoted as saying, “If collectors really want something intimate, really personal to the artist, there’s the artist’s own s***”, and he’s not entirely incorrect. And yes, people have installed devices in celebrity hotel bathrooms to capture such artifacts.

Nevertheless, Elvis festoons everything, everywhere, for all time. I’m barely aware of Elvis in my daily life, and yet, in a casual perusal of my hideously overcluttered and potentially dangerous room, I’ve come across two Elvis items that I don’t even remember collecting… like some unseen force in the Elvis Conspiracy is slipping these things into everyday situations to preserve the presence and mystery of The Sacred Elvis. Of course, I have the Jailhouse Rock action statue (5th in an ongoing series that has 6, so far), and the Gail Brewer-Giorgio book, ‘Is Elvis Alive?’, which presents an Elvis-is-alive theory based on a certain audiotape confession made in 1981. This theory seems far more rational than the alternative ones that involve time travel, alien interventions and subterranean kingdoms, but still – very difficult to take seriously. I think if you looked hard enough, you might find very palpable proof that I’m the Indefatigable Queen of Venus (the least of which is my old screen name, VenusQueen4EVA).

If I came across Elvis inspecting a pineapple at the grocery store? If he said hello to me while I stared curiously at him? Yeah, I’d probably go weak-kneed and rush off to the cereal aisle to gather myself, stumbling over the Count Chocula display on the way – and I’m not even an Elvis fan. I tried to be, but probably not hard enough. Secretly, you’d think it was awesome too.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 10th, 2007 at 1:15 am and is filed under collecting fyi. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.